Dear You Who Stole My Scooter

Came across this in the Raleigh Craigslist. I love the end:

Dear you who stole my scooter,
If you have not yet thrown my scooter in a ditch, please return it to me or tell me where to find it. It is an scratched and overused blue Kymco Super Fever ZX50 that only runs when the spark plug is duct taped in place and has bumper stickers in Modern Hebrew. You do not want it. You cannot use it or sell it, and I suspect you cannot read it, but it is my scooter and I want it back very badly. I am a graduate student and cannot afford a new one. I am not interested in prosecuting, this is just a matter of taking something off of your hands which you cannot possibly want. Hey, if you _have_ dropped it in a ditch, please tell me what ditch it is in and I will go there to get it.
Thanks